Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
