yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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