i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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