Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
