I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
