Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize