All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
