I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
