dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
