if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your penis caused this!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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