Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
