Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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