break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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