this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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