I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
