It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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