You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
