just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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