Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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