i used baking grease as lip gloss
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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