the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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