You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
