I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
