YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
