My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
