Already got asked if we're dating
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had sex on a roof
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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