And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
