drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
