Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im holly from the hills drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
