There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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