The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
