we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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