Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
