I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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