As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
