I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She's the barista slut.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize