Sponge bath it is.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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