just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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