Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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