I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
