I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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