Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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