Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize