I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
