I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
