Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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