i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize