I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to cum in my sink.
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