this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
