i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
