I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
