How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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