I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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