I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
