This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
