med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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