She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize