Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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