I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
