he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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