Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
