HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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