If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
