went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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