good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
