Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
